Sunday, May 04, 2008

Graduation 2008

After four exhilarating years, I will be taking off for lesser things in just over a month. Considering the ubiquity of useless liberal arts degrees (and my pocketing of 2 and a half), I'm starting to panic that I might be one of the unfortunate few who will be forced/coerced/drugged/volunteered for some kind of Asian prostitution ring.

Maybe I could aspire to be a Gypsy Rose Lee-type, someone who stimulates both meat and mind. Alas, the probability of that happening is zilch, not only because being Chinese means holding out for a rich husband to take care of any hooker-tendencies anyway, but because the whole Eliot Spitzer affair made me lose respect for high-class tricks in general. Who would have thought earning four-figures an hour literally came down to having a "beautiful vagina" (NYMag)? You mean, clients aren't always lonely men who need their bandages re-dressed in the company of a sympathetic topless ho, like in Dangerous Beauty (1998), starring Catherine McCormack as a Venetian courtesan whose bedroom skills changed the course of European history ... forever? Are you telling me "Girls Gone Wild" is now the equivalent of Hooker U. for the socialite set? That's just depressing. That said, does this mean anyone in it for reasons of "self-empowerment" are really delusional? Like, you're only as powerful as your pussy is in demand? In other words, it's 5 a.m. and I am putting way too much undirected energy into this thing.

So getting back to the real reason I decided to blog: My own personal schoolhouse blues. I've applied to Hong Kong and Singapore for potential editorial assistant positions, knowing Canada sucks for this sort of thing. Forbes Magazine had two openings, which I jumped on the moment they were put online, but I have yet to hear back from them.

It's been 4 days!

Then there's that Newsweek article published last December about rich kids (or more accurately, their parents) paying University of Dreams, an internship placement service, $6000 to snag competitive positions at leading American companies ($9000 for everywhere else). I've done three internships over the course of my academic career, thinking I would get a head start. But these people have no qualms about corrupting the competitive nature of a merit-based society; their clients' resumes pushed to the top of the pile because they've paid for the privilege. It worries me that some joker will be hailed as the next *rich, vilified, tabloid-friendly personality* without having lifted anything but a briefcase full of money. Of course, had I known about this service earlier, I would've totally bullied my parents into paying for it even if it meant selling off their He-and-Her Hondas and a portion of their sanity (refundable in 12 annual installments). Self-pitying aside, I'm definitely not above mentioning my ethnicity when an ad mentions that they're an "equal opportunity employer". I imagine my pride will just slowly deteriorate from there once food, health, and a budding meth addiction is suddenly compromised as I take "I'll do anything, anything!" to a whole other level.

P.S. While I realize prostitution might not be the best subject matter to be writing about in the interest of acquiring a proper job, if anyone happens to want to offer me one anyway, I'd be pretty thankful.